Worth Fighting For!
by No1butjoe
Summary: A What Happened Instead to the episode The Crucible. What if Joe went with Adam? Special thanks to Cree and Cwright Girl from Bonanza World for the idea for this story.
1. Just the Beginning

Worth Fighting For!

A What Happened Instead for the episode The Crucible

By No1butjoe

**Notes: Special thanks to Cree and Cwright Girl from Bonanza World for the idea for this story!**

**Disclaimer - I don't own Bonanza or the Cartwrights.**

**Summary - What if Joe went with Adam?**

"Keep working."

Adam ignored Kane and managed to steal a glance over at Joe. For the past few minutes, the younger man had been having a hard time catching his breath. It made sense since he and Kane had gotten into a brawl a few days ago and Joe had ended up with the butt end of a shotgun in his rib cage. Adam's own injury was hurting him, too. When they first came across Kane's camp, Adam had ended up with a shotgun pointed at him. Fortunately, Kane didn't fire. Instead, he only injured Adam's leg, but bad enough so that Joe was the one working the mine. A mine Adam knew was dry.

"Kane, you can't let him go back in there," Adam stated when Joe was getting ready to reenter the deathtrap. "He needs water and food."

"Shut up, Cartwright!" Kane ordered, swinging the gun around to aim it at him. "Or your little brother is dead, you hear me?"

Adam closed his mouth as he worriedly watched Joe head back into the mine, coughing from the dust. This had been going on for days now. Every morning, Kane would wake Joe up by kicking him in the side, right where Joe's injured ribs were. And every morning, Kane would force Joe down into that mine. It was all part of Kane's plan, Adam figured. Kane wanted to find a weakness, something that would make him, or Joe, crack under all the pressure. It was just a game to him, a game Adam was very sure he and Joe were most likely going to lose.

"Any word yet, Pa?"

Ben Cartwright was snapped out of his stupor by his middle son's voice. He looked up to find the large man staring over at him worriedly. Ben sighed and looked back at the paper he had in his hand. He had sent several letters to many cities in hopes of finding his two missing sons. All had turned up negative, but, all the sheriffs promised, if they heard anything, they'd send word.

"No, Hoss," Ben finally answered, crumpling up the paper. "Nothing. This is impossible. No one can just disappear off the face of the earth!"

"I know, Pa, but we've looked everywhere," Hoss reminded him. "The only place we haven't looked is that desert, but only a fool-hardy man would go in there."

Ben looked up from his desk.

"Desert?" he repeated. "What desert?"

Hoss frowned.

"Well, I don't rightly recollect the name of it, but there was rumors in town 'bout a fella who got lost there," came the reply. "Never did find him, poor man. That's why I said no one fool-hardy enough would go through there."

"Of course, Hoss, you're right," Ben admitted. "They wouldn't do something so foolish."

Silence reigned for a few minutes when all of a sudden both men leaped to their feet, already heading to the door. Ben was strapping on his gun belt as Hoss made towards the door.

"I'll go saddle up the horses, Pa," he announced as he shut the door behind him, causing it to close loudly.

Ben continued getting ready as Hop Sing rushed into the room.

"Where Mista Cartlight going?" he asked, impatiently. "Dinna almost ready. You eat."

Ben placed both of his hands on the cook's shoulders.

"We're going after Adam and Little Joe, Hop Sing," he explained. "We'll be back soon."

That said, he too went out the door, closing it behind him, leaving Hop Sing standing by himself. The Chinese cook nodded.

"Family need be home together," he said, firmly. "They bring Mista Joe and Mista Adam home, have big meal!"

Happily, he hurried back into the kitchen to prepare more food.

_(Flashback)_

"_Adam, if we keep going at this pace, the horses will be dead before we will," Joe stated, wiping a bead of sweat from his brow._

_Adam turned in his saddle after bringing Sport to a stop. _

"_Joe, you know how many bandits are out here," he responded. "We have to keep moving if we want to make it across by nightfall."_

"_I'm afraid you won't be meeting your deadline, gentlemen," a voice came._

_Joe tensed immediately when he heard the cock of a hammer. Two men appeared from behind an outcrop of rocks, each training a pistol on Adam and Joe. _

"_Now how 'bout you get down off them horses?" the first bandit asked, though it really wasn't a question._

_One false move and Adam and Joe wouldn't be making it home ever again. Without a word, the two brothers dismounted their horses and raised their hands in the air. Grinning like they just struck it rich, the two men mounted and took off, leaving the two Cartwrights to fend for themselves. Once they were out of sight, Adam let his arms drop and he stole an accusing look in Joe's direction._

"_What'd I tell you?" he asked, not wanting an answer. "Now we're stranded out here with no food, no water, and no shelter!"_

_Joe turned to him, eyes blazing._

"_Oh, like that's MY fault!" he demanded. _

"_Joe, if you hadn't been complaining about the heat, we'd be halfway there, instead of stuck in the middle of the desert!" Adam shouted, throwing his hands up in the air in exasperation. _

"_Well, you were the one who stopped, Adam!" Joe retorted back. "I was still going!"_

_Adam sigh and ran a hand through his hair._

"_Look, Joe, we can stand here arguing, or we can start walking," he proposed. "Which will it be?"_

_Joe grunted and walked right past Adam, heading in the direction of their previous destination._

_(End Flashback)_

Adam had woken up quite some time ago, the pain from his leg throbbing. Kane had refused to allow Joe to tend to the wound, insisting Adam keep the bullet in there as a reminder of what he had done.

"I want you to break first, Cartwright," Kane had sneered. "And I'll use your brother to do it."

Adam sighed and turned his head. Joe was sleeping, somewhat peaceful, on the other side of the camp. He was shivering, his body shaking and coughs coming every once in a while after every breath.

"You know how to end all his suffering, don't you?"

Adam stiffened at Kane's voice. The man had come up behind him unnoticed, his gun ever-ready in his hand. Kane sat on the bench, one arm on his knee.

"You want to kill me, don't you, Cartwright?" he asked, keeping a steady eye on him. "You want to hurt me for hurting your brother."

Adam didn't reply, he just kept his eyes trained on Joe's shaking form. Kane leaned in closer.

"How long will you wait, Cartwright?" he whispered. "Will you wait before, or after your brother's dead?"

Adam turned and looked Kane directly in the eye. He didn't speak, but Kane saw it. The anger flickering behind his eyes, the sense of fear for Joe and the hatred Adam held for him. It wouldn't be long now.

"Hoss?" Ben asked, cautiously walking up to him, only to spot what he was holding so tightly in his hands.

Ben's face paled completely.

"That's-."

"Adam's hat," Hoss finished for him. "That proves they went this way. We just halfta get to them before something else does."

Ben shivered at the thought. His eyes roamed over the vast desert, not seeing anything for miles as the moon shone brightly in the sky. Not a noise was made as Hoss and Ben continued on, hoping they weren't too late.

"You worthless, good for nothing, piece of trash!" Kane shouted, angrily, kicking Joe in the side. "Get up right now or I won't hesitate to put a bullet in you!"

Adam woke to the shouts of Kane's voice. Anger immediately welled up inside of him at the scene he opened his eyes to.

"Kane, stop!" he shouted.

The man turned to him, a slow grin spreading across his face as his attention solely focused on Adam.

"Well, well, well," he said. "Looks like you have a back-bone after all. Are you planning on stopping me, Cartwright?"

Adam lowered his gaze and didn't answer. Kane stood to his full height.

"I didn't think so," he admitted. "Just goes to show how much you must despise your brother."

Adam's eyes flashed dangerously as he turned back to look at his nemesis. Kane laughed.

"Did I guess right, Adam?" he asked, curiously. "Do you truly hate your brother so much, you're willing to let him die so you can get away scott free?"

"No!" Adam protested. "I'd never do that to Joe!"

Kane snorted.

"Then why do you keep letting me hurt him?" he questioned, smirking. "I bet he's wondering why his older brother isn't helping him. Why he continues to let me torture him over and over again. Tell me, Adam, would you hate me enough to kill me if I turned your own flesh and blood against you?"

Something slimy hit Kane's boot. Adam grinned in satisfaction as his saliva hit it's mark. Without a word, Kane slapped Adam across the face, sending him back into the dirt. Kane took his gun and pointed it at Adam's uninjured leg.

"How'd you like to never walk again, Cartwright?" he sneered, cocking the hammer back.

Before Kane had a chance to pull the trigger, something tackled him from behind, sending him flying into the dirt. Adam watched in amazement as Joe, despite his injuries, wrestled with Kane, weakly trying gain control over the gun. Joe didn't last long. Attacking Kane drained most of his strength and, in a matter of minutes, Kane stood over him, breathing heavily and aiming the weapon straight at him!

"Maybe I oughta teach you a lesson, brat," he stated, stealing a glance over in Adam's direction. "Now, we'll see if my theory's right. Lets see if your brother will try and save you."

Adam watched in horror as Kane leveled the gun at Joe, steady as a rock, took aim, and, calmly, fired.


	2. Found!

Chapter Two

Found!

Ben grabbed his canteen from his saddle and took a long drink. Hoss was just a few feet ahead of him, looking at tracks that had been made in the dust. His brow was furrowed in concentration. Ben took in the scenery around them, but all he could see was the vast desert in front of them, threatening their very existence and the existence of his sons.

"Pa. Pa? Pa!"

Ben snapped out of his thoughts and went over to join Hoss.

"See these tracks here?" he asked, pointing to the freshly ground up dirt. "Looks like two riders. There's another two set of footprints coming from those rocks there. Looks like whoever came this way was robbed."

Ben examined the prints his son pointed out. He was secretly hoping that the incident didn't have anything to do with Adam and Joe, but, knowing that not a lot of people traveled through the desert, his worst fears were slowly becoming reality. Standing to his feet, he mounted back onto Buck.

"Lets go, Hoss."

Kane turned to Adam with a devil of a smile on his face. His smoking gun turned to cover Adam, who was looking over at Joe in horror.

"Do you see what you've done, Cartwright?" Kane asked, standing in front of him. "Do you see what you've done to your brother?"

Adam didn't reply. All he saw was Kane firing at his brother again and again and Joe falling to the ground.

"I'm-I'm all right, Adam," a weak voice said.

Adam snapped out of his thoughts and took another good look at Joe. The younger Cartwright was slowly sitting up, his eyes tightly shut as he clutched painfully at his shoulder. Kane laughed out loud.

"Did you truly think I killed him, Adam?" he asked, curiously. "Now, why would I go and do something like that when I haven't fully broken you yet?"

Adam closed his eyes. Joe wasn't dead, Joe was only injured, Joe wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him.

_(Flashback)_

"_Adam, I don't know if I can go any further without a sip of water," Joe complained, his anger at his brother long since forgotten._

_Adam turned to look at him. He knew how he felt. They had to have gone at least five miles already and still no sign of civilization. The sun bearing down on them wasn't really helping either. _

"_Just keep trying, Joe," Adam urged him on. "We've got to at least find shelter before sunset."_

_Joe nodded and continued walking. This continued for about five more minutes, until Joe ran into the back of his older brother._

"_Hey, what was that for?" Joe demanded, staggering back a few steps._

_Adam wordlessly pointed ahead. Smoke could be seen billowing in the sky, a sure sign that someone had a fire going._

"_Finally!" Joe exclaimed. _

_Adam grabbed Joe's arm before he could go any further._

"_Wait, Joe," he ordered. "We don't know who's over there."_

_Joe pulled his arm away, a smile plastered on his face._

"_Aw, come on, Adam, lighten up," he said, starting to walk again. "They can't be all that bad."_

_Adam hesitated a moment before following Joe._

_(End Flashback)_

Adam sighed. If only he had listened to his gut instinct, they wouldn't be in this mess. Joe sat a few feet away from him, still nursing his injured shoulder.

"Kane, you have to at least let me bandage his wound," Adam almost pleaded.

The man thought a moment, but eventually shook his head.

"No, I'd prefer it if my 'friend' here used both his arms to keep getting to that gold," he stated.

Adam's anger grew slightly.

"Kane, you and I both know there's nothing in that mine but rocks!" he shouted. "By making Joe go in there, you're just uselessly injuring him further!"

"It gets under your skin, doesn't it?" Kane asked, smirking. "The fact that I'm using your brother to get to you? Well, come on, Adam. Come and get me."

Kane rose to his feet and walked over to his tent, walking back out with something in his hand. Adam paled slightly. No. No way. He couldn't have. Adam's eyes narrowed.

"You sent those men to rob us, didn't you?" he spat, venomously.

Kane laughed as he chucked Adam's pistol to the dirt right beside him.

"So what if I did, Cartwright?" he asked. "Go ahead, I know you wanna pick up that gun."

Adam looked over at Joe, who stared back at him with a look of fear. Adam glanced over at the tempting weapon, but, after a few minutes, looked away. Kane frowned.

"Well, then, I guess I'll have to give you more incentive," he announced, turning back to Joe.

"No!" Adam shouted. "Leave him alone!"

Kane grinned at Adam's plea before kicking Joe, making him fall back in the dirt. On the ground, Joe had no way to protect himself, allowing Kane to kick him in his injured shoulder. Adam felt tears gather in his eyes.

'_I'm sorry, Joe_,' he thought. '_I'm so sorry_.'

Later that night, Adam couldn't sleep. He knew Kane's methods were getting worse. Joe's injuries were proof of that. But with his brother enduring the torture, Adam couldn't really do much of anything. His leg prevented him from attacking Kane, not to mention the madman always had his gun ready. Adam ran a hand over his face. For once, he wasn't sure what to do.

"A-Adam?"

Hearing his name, he turned his head, surprised to see Joe awake.

"Joe, go back to sleep," he urged. "You're gonna need all your strength tomorrow."

Joe's eyes were somewhat glazed over, his breathing labored. Adam paled at his sudden realization. Joe was in desperate need of a doctor. That bullet was slowly taking it's toll on the young man and, if it wasn't removed soon, Joe would most certainly die. Making his decision, Adam crawled over to his brother, moving aside the shirt fabric as he closely inspected the wound. The blood had clogged the entrance, but Adam could tell it was hurting Joe like the dickens. Replacing the shirt back over the wound, Adam stole a glance across the camp where Kane sat upright, eyes closed, his breathing even as if he was in a deep sleep.

"Just take it easy, Joe, I'm going to get us out of here," Adam whispered, turning his attention back to his younger brother. "We're gonna go home and have Doc Martin take a look at that shoulder of yours."

Joe closed his eyes tightly against the pain. Adam waited for the pain to pass before speaking again.

"Joe, I-" he began but stopped when he spotted the horrified look on Joe's face.

Turning around, Adam found himself face-to-face with the business end of Kane's shotgun. Swallowing hard, he looked up to find Kane standing over him, smiling.

"I was wondering how long it'd take you, Cartwright," he said. "Looks like I was right about you. Well, lets just put you to the test, shall we?"

Adam frowned. What was Kane up to? Watching carefully, Kane stepped back a few feet, his smile getting wider. Adam never took his gaze off of him as Kane pulled something out from behind a boulder.

"What!" Adam shouted, his eyes wide. "You said we ran out of food three days ago!"

Kane shrugged.

"So I lied," he admitted. "Doesn't mean anything. But, if you want to feed your brother, you're gonna have to go through me first."

Adam paled as the full force of those words sunk in. In order to get the food he and Joe so desperately needed, he'd have to kill Kane. Gritting his teeth, Adam slowly rose to his feet, his leg giving him problems at first, but he gradually stayed balanced.

"Oh and, Cartwright, there's one more thing," Kane called, pulling something else from behind the rock.

A medical bag was produced. Kane opened it to reveal all the necessary tools to doctor a wound. Adam clenched his hands into fists. Everything he needed to take care of Joe was right in front of him. Looking at Kane, he knew he wouldn't stand a chance. But, he had to at least try. Kane placed Adam's pistol on the ground in front of him, then moved back a few feet, making it so he was the same distance away that Adam was.

"Go for it, Cartwright," Kane prodded. "You wanna save your brother, don't you?"

Adam looked over at Joe's prone figure, then back up at Kane. Ignoring the throbbing pain in his leg, Adam lunged for the pistol.

"Adam! No!" Joe's hoarse voice shouted.

Adam barely heard anything after Kane's gun fired. His vision blurred as he fell to the ground, clutching his side in pain. Kane's boots walked over to him and knelt down.

"Now why'd you have to go and do something so stupid?" he asked. "At this rate, you'll be dead before you ever break!"

Adam watched him stand up again. His eyes burned with hatred. He allowed himself to flip over, lying on his back as his arms fell to his sides. His right hand closed over something solid. Adam's eyes widened when he realized what it was.

His gun!

_Click! _Kane smiled when he heard the hammer being cocked back and turned to find Adam holding a gun on him.

"Go ahead, Cartwright, do it," he urged. "Get revenge for your brother and yourself. Kill me!"

Adam's hardened eyes never wavered, his trigger finger at the ready as he stared down the man who had made his brothers' last few days a living hell. Without so much as blinking, Adam fired off a shot - hitting the ground at Kane's feet. The man frowned.

"I'm not like you, Kane," Adam spat out. "I'll never be like you. I'm not going to kill you."

"Why, Cartwright?" Kane asked. "Are you too scared? You must really hate your brother a lot if you're not even willing to fight for his health."

Adam's eyes narrowed.

"No, Kane," he replied. "I'm not a piece of scum like you. I have morals that I live by."

Kane laughed.

"Morals?" he repeated. "Oh, please, you can barely stand up! Where are your precious morals now?"

Adam's finger pulled the trigger again, once more hitting the ground by Kane's feet, this time, causing him to jump back.

"Shut up!" Adam ordered. "At least I have morals! You probably don't have an ounce of compassion or kindness in your body!"

"Cartwright, you wound me," Kane stated, sarcastically. "I have morals, but they're nothing you need to worry about."

"A-Ad-Adam?" Joe's weak voice called.

Adam limped backwards, keeping a close eye on Kane.

"We're leaving, Kane," he announced. "We're taking that mule of yours and we're gonna ride out."

Kane chuckled.

"And just what makes you think you'll get out of here alive?" he asked, curiously.

Adam frowned. Why was Kane so sure of himself? Did he have something up his sleeve?

"Pa, slow down a bit, wouldja?" Hoss pleaded. "If we keep going like this, these horses are gonna keel over and we'll have to walk the rest of the way!"

Ben sighed and slowed Buck to a trot, waiting for his middle son to catch up to him. Hours had passed since they found the tracks and waiting seemed to be like a waste of time. Ben's throat was dry, but he refused to take even so much as a sip from his canteen, for fear that his two missing sons would need it far more than he did right about now. Hoss thought he hadn't noticed, but his canteen remained attached to his saddle as well, not even touched.

"How much further, Hoss?" Ben asked, anxiously.

Hoss frowned and thought a moment.

"Well, from the looks of the tracks, I'd say another three or four hours at most," he answered. "But, I really can't say for certain."

Ben nodded and slightly kicked Buck's sides, urging the horse to go just a little faster. This time, Hoss voiced no argument.

"You don't have the guts," Kane sneered, smiling. "You don't want your brother to live, that's what this is all about, isn't it?"

Adam didn't hesitate to pull the trigger, hitting Kane in the leg.

"What part of 'shut up' didn't you understand?" he snapped.

Kane glared at him from the ground, holding his leg in pain. Adam looked over at Joe, then turned back to Kane.

"We're taking your mule, Kane," he persisted. "I need to get Joe to a doctor."

For a split second he turned his back and a shot rang throughout the desert. Adam watched as his last hope fell to the ground, dead. Adam turned an angry gaze on Kane, who had pulled a small gun out of his tent.

"Now, Adam, did you really think I was unprepared for something like this?" Kane asked, smiling, despite the pain in his leg.

Leaning against a bench, Kane managed to hoist himself onto it, all the while keeping a steady gun trained on Adam. Kane chuckled.

"Drop the gun, Adam."

When his prisoner didn't obey quick enough, Kane's laughter disappeared.

"Drop the gun, Cartwright, or else your brother won't need a doctor!" he snapped, aiming the gun at Joe.

Adam's eyes narrowed as he slowly dropped the gun out of his hand and kicked it over to Kane. Kane's smile grew.

"There now, that wasn't so bad, now, was it?" he asked.

Adam didn't answer. He could feel his side beginning to throb from the wound, but he ignored it. If Kane was about to kill him, he'd die standing up.

"You piece of-" Kane began, but cut off as three shots were fired off in the distance.

Adam's head immediately turned to the sound as he looked down at Joe, who had also heard and was looking at him with a half smile, half grimace. Adam turned to Kane, a smug expression on his face.

"Sounds like the cavalry's finally arrived," he stated. "That's my pa and brother out there, Kane, and I guarantee you that they're not gonna rest until they find us."

Kane didn't seem to be paying attention, until he spoke.

"Oh, they'll find you all right," he said, looking off into the distance. "Too bad it'll be after I kill you."

Adam grit his teeth and, desperately, took a shaky step forward. Spotting him out of the corner of his eye, Kane turned his full attention back on him.

"Don't make me kill you before I plan to, Cartwright," he almost pleaded. "If you do, I'll never have the chance to break you."

He became thoughtful as an idea suddenly popped into his head. His eyes wandered to gaze at Joe. Immediately, Adam's brain registered what Kane was thinking. He was going to try to break Joe instead!

"No!" Adam shouted, firmly. "You're fight's with me, Kane. Leave him out of this!"

"Oh, but don't you see?" Kane asked, a light flickering in his eye. "He's been a part of this from the beginning. I've been using him to get to you, Adam. Isn't that enough? After all, when he dies, you'll finally crack and I'll win."

"This is all just a game to you, isn't it?" Adam asked, his voice low. "This is all just some sick, twisted game!"

Kane frowned, pouting.

"Aw, what's the matter? Aren't you having any fun?"

Adam's eyes widened. This man had truly gone insane. There was no question. He eyed the gun, wishing that it was in HIS grasp instead of the madman's. Adam looked over at Joe, who was still looking up at him. In that moment, Adam made a decision.

Kane watched in disappointment as Adam's body collapsed to the ground. Sighing, he looked over at Joe, who was hoarsely calling for Adam.

"Such a shame, kid," Kane said, limping to stand in front of him. "I guess your brother just doesn't have the strength left in him."

"My brother is a hell of a lot stronger than you are," Joe spat out in disgust.

"Oh really? Is that why he's lying there on the ground and I'm still standing?"

Before Joe could reply, Kane felt his feet being pulled out from underneath him. A hand reached out and snagged the pistol and mini gun from Kane's hands. Joe looked over and sighed in relief at the sight of Adam. Adam had been playing all along!

"Next time, Kane, when your enemy's down, be sure he stays down!" Adam advised.

Kane thought a moment.

"Well, I'll certainly take that into consideration," he said, honestly.

A handful of dirt was thrown into Adam's eyes as Kane tackled him shortly after. Both men went flying into the dirt, arms locked in a struggle as they fought for the guns. Adam kicked both guns out of the reach of his adversary as he struggled against Kane to keep him as far away from them as possible. Just as suddenly as it began, the fighting came to a stop. Kane's hands were around Adam's throat, choking him!

"Adam!" Joe shouted, anxiously. "Kane! Stop it!"

Kane glanced up, then back down at Adam.

"You hear how he pleads, Cartwright?" he asked, smiling gleefully. "You hear how he begs for your life? Tell me, why didn't you do the same for him?"

Fire ignited in Adam as he kneed Kane in the stomach, sending the older man to the dirt, curled up in pain. Instantly, Adam launched himself at him, his hands tightening around Kane's throat, trying to make that hated voice go away. Joe watched on in horror for a few seconds before his instincts took over.

"Adam!" he shouted. "Adam! Snap out of it! Adam! Stop, you're killing him!"

That last line sparked something in Adam and his hold on Kane released immediately. No sound came from the man and Adam's eyes widened. Hesitantly, he placed a shaking hand to Kane's throat, surprised, but relieved, to find a pulse. Adam staggered back, practically crawling.

"Adam?" Joe asked, anxiously. "Adam, are you okay?"

Adam's eyes seemed distant, like he wasn't even in his body. His gaze seemed transfixed on Kane.

"I-I almost k-killed him, Joe," he whispered, finally. "I-I almost k-killed him with my b-bare hands."

Joe winced as he shuffled over to Adam's side. Placing a hand on his older brother's arm, he anxiously asked, "Are you okay, Adam?"

Adam nodded in a daze, even though his side was protesting and his leg was throbbing. He could only stare at Kane. Just moments ago, had he really been about to kill him? Joe's hand tightened on Adam's arm.

"Adam, you were just trying to protect yourself," he reasoned. "He was baiting you the whole time."

Voices could be heard nearby, but the two brothers paid no attention to them.

"Adam, he would've killed you if you didn't fight back," Joe tried again. "Adam?"

The older Cartwright winced. His side was infected , he could tell. Being out in the desert with all the dirt and dust was definitely not helping the healing process. Joe scooted closer, sitting on his knees, his injured arm tightly clenched to his side as he carefully lifted Adam's shirt to inspect the damage. A horse neighed nearby and a voice called out.

"Adam! Joe, where are you!"

Joe opened his mouth to answer, but, after not having a lot of water to drink for such a long amount of time, not to mention using up all his energy on talking to Adam, nothing came out except a cough. Joe sighed. How could he signal Hoss and Ben? It was then that something caught his attention out of the corner of his eye. The sun was reflecting off of Kane's gun. Without hesitation, Joe grabbed it, raised it above his head, and fired a shot. That done, he quickly dropped it and went back to Adam.

"Adam! Joseph!" Ben shouted, riding into the camp, Hoss close behind him.

Both men were dismounting before their horses even stopped. Ben immediately went to Joe. Hoss wandered over to Kane's motionless body and, gun out and ready, kicked it. Kane didn't move. Cautiously, Hoss knelt down and placed two fingers to the man's neck and sighed. This man wouldn't be needing a doctor.

"Son, are you all right?" Ben asked, anxiously.

"I'm fine, Pa, but Adam needs to see a doctor," Joe stated. "He was shot twice. Once in the side and once in the leg. I was only shot in the shoulder."

Ben turned to Hoss, who was already at Adam's side.

"Hoss?" he questioned, the single name asking everything he needed to.

Hoss looked over at him, a worried frown on his face. Adam had collapsed against him. Ben sprang into action.

"Hoss, hand him up to me on Buck," he ordered, mounting the animal.

It took a few minutes, but Ben eventually situated Adam in front of him comfortably. Hoss rode with Joe, who was beginning to feel the effects of his wound. Adam groaned about five minutes into their journey.

"Adam?" Ben whispered, slowing Buck to a halt.

To his surprise, his oldest son began struggling against him, crying out.

"Let me go!" he shouted. "Need to . . . save . . . Joe."

Ben held him tighter, tears gathering in his eyes. What in the world happened to his boys back there?

"Just . . . game," Adam murmured, deliriously. "Just . . . game . . . to kill . . . . J-Joe? W-Where's Joe?"

Joe looked over at Adam, worriedly.

"I'm here, A-Adam," he called out. "I'm okay."

But his voice did nothing to sooth Adam's tantrum. Ben reluctantly slid out of the saddle and carefully guided Adam down to the ground, placing his saddlebags behind his head as a pillow. Hoss dismounted too, helping Joe down and letting him go to Adam's side.

"Come on, older brother," Joe pleaded. "Open your eyes. I'm right here. Kane's back there at camp. He's not here, Adam. He's gone."

Adam didn't respond, but his struggling ceased. Ben felt his forehead and sharply jerked it back.

"He has a fever," he announced. "We need to get him to the closest town and find a doctor."

"I'll go ahead, Pa," Hoss offered. "I'll bring back a doctor and a buckboard. It might be a tad bit easier to carry 'im that way."

Ben nodded, already taking out his handkerchief and dabbing at the blood forming around Adam's wounds. Hoss looked over at Joe.

"Come on, shortshanks," he said. "You're going with me."

Joe looked from Adam up to Hoss, then back down at Adam. With a sigh, he allowed Hoss to help him onto Chub and they rode off. Ben watched them go and worriedly turned his gaze back to Adam. He was dripping in sweat. Incoherent mumbling could be heard also, but Ben paid no attention to it as he continued attending to his needs.

"Easy, boy," Ben whispered, softly. "Hoss and Joe went for help. They'll be back with a doctor soon."

He could only pray his words were true as Adam groaned against the handkerchief pressing against his side to stop the bleeding.


	3. Recovery

Chapter 3

Recovery!

"Come on, Joe, you gotta stay awake, pumpkin."

Hoss shook Joe's shoulder, waking up the delirious young man.

"Adam," Joe murmured. "W-Wh-Where's Adam?"

Hoss held onto his little brother tightly.

"Adam's back with Pa," Hoss replied, making sure the younger wouldn't fall out of the saddle. "You and I are going for help."

Joe's glazed eyes looked at him, fear etched into the orbs.

"Y-You left him back there with that madman!" Joe screamed, pounding his fists against Hoss' chest.

Surprised by the outburst, Hoss stopped Chub. Taking that moment to make his escape, Joe wriggled out of Hoss' grip and almost collapsed on the ground. Weak from being shot, he shakily got to his feet and started, slowly, off in the direction they had just come from. Hoss immediately dismounted and went to Joe's side.

"Come on, little brother," Hoss said, picking him up. "We gotta get you to a doctor and get a buckboard for Adam so we can get him to a doctor."

"No, Hoss, K-Kane," Joe stammered. "H-He'll kill h-h-him. Go back, H-Hoss! Go back!"

Hoss ignored his brother cries.

"Now, Joe, I done told you, Pa's with Adam," he stated. "That there Kane fella's dead."

At those words, Joe's eyes widened in shock.

"D-Dead?" he asked, starting to breathe heavily.

Hoss placed Joe on the ground gently.

"Now, Joe, you best just calm down," he stated. "Adam's just fine, ya hear? He's a little banged up, but once we get a doctor for him, he'll be right as rain in no time."

Joe didn't respond. His eyes remained wide as Hoss sighed and lifted him back on Chub. Shock had finally set in and Hoss knew he had to hurry.

Ben winced at the blood that still flowed slightly. Adam cried out as he moved his leg, his brain not fully comprehending that it was injured.

"Easy, Adam," Ben pleaded.

His worry was starting to become fear. Joe and Hoss had left three hours ago and there was still no sign of them or anyone else.

"J-Joe," Adam cried, trying to sit up, despite his injuries. "W-Wh-Where's Joe? G-Got to save, J-Joe."

Ben anxiously placed a hand on his sons' chest and pushed him back.

"Adam, it's me," he soothed. "Joe's fine, son. He and Hoss went for help."

Adam pushed aside Ben's hand and managed to sit up. A cry escaped his lips as his side injury protested against his movements. No recognition lit up in his eyes as he looked at Ben.

"J-Joe," he stammered. "Where's my b-br-brother?"

"Adam, it's Pa," Ben whispered. "And it's okay, Joe's going to be fine."

Ben's voice didn't seem to reach Adam's ears as the younger Cartwright struggled to stand to his feet.

"Adam, please, you need to stay still," Ben pleaded, an ever-ready hand on Adam just in case.

"No," he protested. "H-Have to save J-Joe. L-Let me go!"

Ben backed away in shock from the blow his oldest son dealt him. Adam continued trying to get up, only to fall back due to the wound in his leg. Snapping out of his daze, Ben went forward and grabbed a hold of Adam's arm.

"Son, you have to stay put," he said. "You'll only make your injuries worse."

Adam's glazed eyes looked up at Ben in confusion.

"W-Who are you?" he questioned. "W-Where's my brother!"

Ben looked like he had been slapped.

"Y-You don't recognize me?" he asked.

"Where's my brother?" Adam repeated, looking around anxiously.

"Adam, listen to me," Ben pleaded. "Your brother's fine. He and Hoss went to the nearest town to get help."

Adam threw off Ben's hand.

"Who are you?" he asked again. "I don't even know you!"

Ben closed his eyes and took a deep calming breath.

"Adam, if you don't calm down you're going to make yourself sick," Ben spoke calmly, despite the situation. "If you're upset, there isn't going to be a way for you to help Joe. So, please, just calm down!"Adam's breathing calmed and he took a shaky breath. His eyes closed and he slowly drifted back into unconsciousness. Ben breathed a sigh of relief. His hands were shaking slightly. If Hoss didn't hurry back soon, they might lose Adam for good.

Hoss was having a difficult time. Joe had passed out a few minutes ago and waking him up proved to be easier said than done, let alone actually keeping him upright in the saddle. Hoss took a look around, anxious to find some signs of a town. To his great relief, he spotted it. It wasn't as big as he thought it might be, but Hoss didn't care. Buildings meant a town, a town meant people, people meant a doctor for Joe and a buckboard for Hoss so he could return to get his father and older brother. Hoss quickened Chubb's pace and hurried towards the town.

"Adam? Adam. Adam!"

Adam could hear the voice calling out to him, but he couldn't fully comprehend who it was. All he knew was his brother was in trouble. Hands grabbed Adam, holding him firmly as the voice continued to speak soothingly.

"Shhh, Adam, please, you need to rest."

It was really starting to bother Adam, not knowing who the person talking to him was. Determined to find out, Adam slowly opened his feverish eyes. The figure above him looked familiar, but he couldn't really place it - until the person spoke again.

"Adam, Son, go on. Go to sleep."

Adam's eyes slowly closed once again and he leaned into his father.

"Pa," came the whispered word that escaped his mouth before he gave into the darkness and drifted off.

"Mister, I'm looking for the doctor," Hoss pleaded with a stranger he stopped on the street.

The man looked up at him and, seeing Joe being held firmly, yet gently, in the saddle, the man gave him directions. As soon as Hoss stopped Chubb in front of the doctor's house, he was dismounting and pulling Joe down from the horse to carry him in his arms. Reaching the front door, Hoss kicked it with his foot in an effort to knock. He waited a few minutes before the door opened and a woman poked her head out. Seeing Joe, she immediately opened it the rest of the way.

"Come in, please, come in!" she urged.

Hoss hurried inside and waited for the woman to close the door and motion him to a table before finally setting Joe down on it. The woman left and returned swiftly with a man. He didn't speak, just hurried over to Joe and started to examine him. Hoss watched worriedly as the doctor examined Joe's shoulder, but that was all he saw, for he was quickly rushed out of the room by the woman moments later. Hoss nodded to her.

"My older brother's been hurt too, ma'am," he explained. "I gotta go back for him and my pa. Is there a livery around her where I can rent a buckboard?"

"Down the street across from the bank," the woman replied.

"Louise, get in here!"

Hoss nodded to her again, gratefully as she disappeared inside, closing the door behind her. Not having any time to waste, Hoss started for the livery.

Ben paled slightly when Adam's breathing slowed down considerably. He had examined the extent of Adam's injuries, but he wasn't a doctor. Adam's fever was still there and Ben was growing more and more worried as it became clear that Adam was getting much more worse.

"Adam, open your eyes for me, son," he pleaded, urgently.

Adam's eyes fluttered, but then remained closed. Ben sighed deeply and ran a hand over his own face. Hoss had better hurry. If Adam stayed out there much longer, there wouldn't be any need for a doctor.

Hoss was getting frustrated. He had found the livery okay, but there wasn't anyone around. He couldn't wait much longer. He had to get back to his father and brother!

"Can I help you, mister?"

Hoss turned in relief upon seeing the sheriff.

"Sheriff, you gotta help me," he pleaded. "I need a buckboard. My brother's been hurt bad and we're afraid we'll hurt him more if he tries to ride a horse. I have the money, but the person who runs this place doesn't seem to be here."

The sheriff seemed to size up Hoss, taking in his ragged appearance. Maybe it was the way Hoss asked or the fact that Hoss was so frantic that caused the sheriff to believe him, but, whatever it was, the middle Cartwright son didn't care. Sheriff Dugan, as he revealed his name to be, quickly helped Hoss hitch up a team of horses to a buckboard. Once it was done, Hoss started to hand him the money, but Dugan held up his hand and shook his head.

"B-But, Sheriff-" Hoss started to argue.

"You go get that brother of yours," Dugan cut him off. "Once you bring him back to see the doc, just make sure you put that buckboard and those horses back."

Hoss couldn't believe his ears, but he had no time to dwell on his generosity. With a quick nod of thanks, he hurriedly climbed into the seat and urged the horses on.

Ben looked down worriedly at Adam. The younger man still had yet to wake up and with every passing moment, Ben was becoming more and more worried.

"P-Pa?"

Adam's eyes had opened slightly and he seemed to be squinting up at his father. Ben smiled in relief.

"You're all right, son," he soothed him, softly. "Hoss took Joe to the nearest town to the doctor and then he's coming back for us."

Adam nodded, showing he understood, but he didn't say anymore. Ben watched as Adam stared off into the scenery, thoughtfully. Ben's worry grew. Something was wrong. His oldest son seemed to have a far away look in his eyes and it wasn't because of the pain.

"Adam, what's wrong?" Ben asked.

There was silence for several minutes before Adam looked up at him again. The next set of words Adam spoke sent a wave of fear through Ben.

"He won, Pa," Adam said in a hushed tone. "He called it all a game, using Joe to get to me and, in the end, I-I killed him."

Ben's grip on his oldest son tightened as he tried to find the words to reassure him.

"He wasn't in his right mind, Adam," he started. "There was nothing else you could've done."

"I gave in," came the argument. "I let him break me just like a horse!"

"No!" Ben shouted, startling both Adam and himself. "Son, you did what you had to in order to save yourself and Joe. And for that, I'm proud of you."

Adam turned his gaze away from Ben.

"You shouldn't be."

Ben silently watched Adam, his thoughts swirling. This wasn't the Adam he had known all his life. This Adam was giving in too easily. Ben opened his mouth to say more, but closed it again. Time. It'd just take time - and a lot of patience.

Ben was ready to cry in relief at the sight of Hoss returning with the buckboard. Adam had developed another fever, causing Ben to worry that maybe Adam wasn't fighting against his injuries as hard as he normally would. As Hoss and Ben carefully lifted their family member into the buckboard, Ben couldn't help but fully examine the extent of his oldest son's injuries, which shocked him. Adam's leg had stopped bleeding, blood clotting the entrance to the wound, which caused some relief for Ben, but, knowing that the doctor would have to reopen it, made him cringe. Adam's side was also clotted, but bruising suggested there was more going on internally that no one could see from the outside.

"Pa?"

Hoss' voice snapped Ben out of his trance and he shook his head as he climbed into the buckboard with Adam, settling down next to him. Hoss nodded at him and climbed into the driver's seat before snapping the reigns. Before too long, they were on their way. Ben tried to keep Adam still as best he could, but, with the somewhat rough terrain, it proved to be a difficult task.

Halfway there, Ben looked down at Adam, only to see the younger man's eyes open and, seemingly, alert. His firm grip slightly tightened.

"Adam, can you hear me, son?"

To his great relief, Adam's eyes shifted to meet his own.

"Welcome back, boy. Welcome back."

Adam frowned a moment, until his eyes finally lit up in recognition and the smallest of smiles crossed his lips.

"Hey, P-Pa."

Tears filled Ben's eyes, but he held them back. Their conversation from earlier seemed to be forgotten, for which he was grateful. He watched silently as Adam took in his surroundings and saw the question in his dark eyes when he realized they were moving.

"We're on our way to the nearest town, Adam," Ben explained. "Joe's already there waiting for us with the doctor."

Adam's eyes widened at the mention of his younger brother. Noticing this, Ben quickly reassured him that Joe would be fine.

"I'm sure the doctor is working right now to remove the bullet from his shoulder," he said.

Adam seemed to think about that for a moment. In that moment, everything that had happened in Kane's camp came rushing back to him, but one memory stood out. He was looking down at Kane, his hands wrapped firmly around his throat. In a slight panic, Adam looked up at Ben.

"P-Pa, I-I . . . . d-did I-?"

He couldn't finish the sentence, but Ben knew exactly what his oldest son was asking. Taking a shaky breath, he spoke softly.

"He's dead, Adam."

Adam's world seemed to tilt at that point, even though he was already lying down. He closed his eyes tightly before opening them again as Hoss called out that they were nearing the town.

They reached the doctor's office in record time, where they placed Adam in the exam room. While Louise hurriedly made Adam comfortable, Ben pulled the doctor aside.

"My youngest son, Joseph, was brought in earlier," he said. "How is he?"

The doctor stare at Ben for a moment before, gripping his forearm supportively.

"Sir, I suggest you sit down," he advised.

Ben's face completely paled at that and he sat heavily in the nearest chair. Joe's injuries hadn't been too severe, had they?

Seeing the worry etched into Ben's face, the doctor quickly realized what the man must've been thinking.

"Oh, Mr. Cartwright, I'm sorry," he said, quickly. "Joseph's fine, he's resting at the moment, but I expect him to make a full recovery. I wanted you to sit down only because you looked like you were going to pass out if you remained standing any longer."

Ben's whole body relaxed at that and he ran a shaking hand over his face. The doctor was about to say more when Louise hurried into the room.

"He's ready for you, Doctor," she announced and disappeared back inside.

The doctor turned to the two men and nodded before hurrying in after her and closing the door behind him. Hoss sat down next to his father, worry set on his face as he stared at the floor.

"You think Adam's gonna be okay, Pa?" he finally asked.

Ben looked over at his middle son, not really knowing what to say. Adam's injuries were cause for concern, of course, but Ben wasn't particularly worried about that more than he was worried about his oldest son's state-of-mind. Adam's words back in the desert haunted him.

'_I'm proud of you.'_

'_You shouldn't be.'_

Ben shivered slightly at the memory, but quickly pushed it aside when he realized he had yet to answer Hoss' question.

"Your brother's strong, Hoss," he stated, his words seeming far away, even to his own ears. "He'll survive."

Hoss nodded, accepting that answer and the room fell into a long silence as the two men sat there, waiting on news. After what seemed like forever, the door opened and Louise stepped through, closing it quietly behind her. Hoss and Ben were immediately on their feet. Turning to find them both still there, Louise smiled and moved towards them.

"Both of them are doing well," she said, reassuringly. "Joseph is resting comfortably and the doctor is finishing up with your friend."

Ben nodded, gratefully.

"That's my other son, Adam," he explained. "C-Could we maybe go in to see them?"

Louise shook her head.

"Not right now, sir," she replied, sympathy shining in her eyes. "The doctor still has to clean up the mess and-"

"Louise, get in here!" came the doctor's voice from the other room.

Without wasting a minute, Louise was already at the door, opening it wide. Ben and Hoss were right behind her, alarmed at the sound of the doctor's voice. The scene that greeted them wasn't a pretty one and Ben and Hoss had to glance away for a minute or two before they could look inside without feeling sick. Adam lay on the table, his forehead and hair damp with sweat. The cloths used to stem the bleeding from his body were lying next to him. That was when Ben caught sight of his son's leg. The doctor had obviously cut Adam's pant leg in order to get to the wound, but the wound itself was a sight to behold. The wound was puffy and red, blood still slightly coming from the entrance wound and Ben already knew that there was a slight infection. What caused his fears to rise was the fact that gangrene was almost sure to follow if something wasn't done soon.

"Get some more cloths in here, Louise, and get those two out of here!" the doctor ordered.

The woman nodded and immediately started to push Ben and Hoss back out into the waiting area. Once out of the room, Hoss turned to his father, his face pale.

"Pa-."

Ben cut him off.

"I know, Hoss," he whispered, still staring at the closed door leading to the room Louise had just hurried back into. "Believe me, I know."

It was another hour before the doctor walked out, wiping his hands on a cloth. Ben was standing by the window when he entered and was immediately across the room before Hoss could even get to his feet.

"Doctor, Adam. Is he-"

The man placed a hand on Ben's shoulder.

"He's asleep right now, Mr. Cartwright," he assured him. "I expect him to sleep for a while. Louise is getting him settled right now and cleaning up. Just give her about five minutes before going in."

That said, the doctor started to walk back into the room. Ben looked back at Hoss who stood there with a worried look on his face. Hurriedly, Ben spoke up, asking a question both father and son were wondering about.

"Doctor, Adam-Adam's leg," he began. "D-Did you have to-"

Realizing what he was asking, the doctor shook his head.

"We were able to save his leg, Mr. Cartwright," he said, smiling. "Granted, it was close, Sir. Your son's going to have a long recovery before he's back to full strength."

Ben nodded. He already knew that. Just the look in Adam's eyes when he said he shouldn't be proud of him told Ben that Adam not only had to heal physically from Kane's attacks, but mentally as well. So lost in his thoughts, Ben didn't snap out of it until Hoss spoke.

"Pa, the doc said we could go in and see Joe," he announced.

Ben pushed his thoughts aside for the time being and entered the back room with Hoss. Joe was lying on a separate table, a curtain on the other side of him, most likely where Adam was resting peacefully. Ben was immediately at Joe's side, his hand touching the top of the young man's head as he leaned in to speak to him.

"Joe?"

As if in answer, Joe's eyes opened slowly and they tiredly looked up at Ben. Seeing his father, Joe's eyes lit up in recognition and he started to struggle to sit up.

"Stay still, son," Ben ordered, firmly, placing a hand on his chest to stop him. "You're safe now."

Joe's body relaxed, but his eyes never strayed from Ben's face. They spoke an unvoiced question and Ben smiled slightly for he already knew what the question would've been had Joe been able to speak.

"Adam's all right, Joe," he reassured him. "He's on the other side of that curtain. He's resting, just like you should be."

As Ben was speaking, Joe was shaking his head. His eyes were pleading, as if begging him to understand, but Ben didn't know what his youngest son was trying to tell him. Eventually, Joe's eyes slowly closed and he gave in to sleep. Satisfied that Joe would be asleep for a while, Ben moved towards the curtain separating himself from his oldest son. The sight that greeted him wasn't a sight he expected to see. Adam was lying on the table, his chest slowly rising and falling, telling Ben he was still alive. Adam's lower body was covered by a sheet and Ben sighed in relief as his hand touched the younger man's forehead to feel it cool to the touch. That meant no fever, but there was still the possibility. Hoss had come in behind Ben and now stared at his older brother's still form in shock. Sure, he had seen Adam hurt before, but nothing like how he looked just then. Ben leaned over, his lips right next to Adam's ear as he spoke.

"Adam, son, it's Pa," he whispered.

There was no response, not that Ben really expected one, but Adam's index finger on his right hand moved. Ben had seen it and it raised his hopes that maybe Adam was regaining consciousness. Sure enough, moments later, Adam's dark eyes opened and he looked around before finally setting his gaze on Ben. A small smile tugged at Ben's lips and he gave into the temptation.

Adam's mouth slowly tried to form the word "Pa", but, seeing as he was incredibly weak, no sound came out. A little frustrated and alarmed by this, Adam looked at Ben frantically. Ben placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder and squeezed gently.

"It's all right, Adam," he said, soothingly. "You're all right. You're safe."

As Ben watched Adam fall back asleep minutes later, he couldn't help but wonder what had happened out there in the desert between his two sons and Kane. He also wondered if his words would ring true. He wondered if things would truly be all right ever again.


	4. Remembering!

Chapter 4

Remembering

Ben had fallen asleep in a chair Louise had brought into the back room for him. So when Hoss woke him a few hours later, saying Joe was awake again, he almost lost his balance in his haste to stand up and hurry to his youngest son's side. Joe's eyes were wide open and fully alert. A small smile appeared on his face when Ben appeared in his line of vision.

"P-Pa."

Ben was shocked at the condition of Joe's voice. It was weak and soft. So soft, Ben had a hard time hearing him at first. Ben unconsciously placed a hand at the top of Joe's head and stroked the curly brown hair absentmindedly.

"You're all right, son," he reassured him. "You and Adam are both all right."

Joe didn't seem to hear his father's words.

"P-Pa, Adam, h-he-" Joe cut himself off as he tried to sit up, resulting in pain shooting through his shoulder.

Ben placed his hand on Joe's uninjured shoulder and gently pushed him back down on the bed.

"You don't have to tell me anything, Joe," he said, soothingly. "You just rest. You'll need to save your strength."

Joe shook his head, determined to tell Ben something. Ben leaned in closer to catch the words. Hoss noticed the frown on his father's face when he straightened up and it bothered him even more when he saw the tears coursing down the older man's cheeks. Hesitantly, he stepped forward and placed a hand on Ben's shoulder.

"Pa?" he called, watching as Ben practically jumped at the sound of his voice. "Pa, what'd Joe say?"

Ben shook his head.

"Not right now, Hoss," he answered, not really wanting to answer his middle son. "I-I need to go see Adam."

Ben turned and headed for the curtain, until Joe's weak voice called from the bed.

"P-Pa, p-pl-please," he whispered, his eyes filled with worry.

Ben looked over at him and nodded, understanding the plea before turning back again, pushing aside the curtain, and stepping through. The curtain fell back into place as Hoss watched Joe fall asleep once more.

Ben watched his eldest son sleep for quite some time, Joe's words echoing in his mind.

"_K-Kane. A-Ad-Adam k-killed him."_

Ben shivered slightly, closing his eyes as he tried to block out the words. He didn't have to try, however, seeing as a groan came from Adam at that exact moment. Relief flooded through him as he leaned over the bed, watching anxiously as Adam's eyes fluttered a little, then slowly opened halfway. Recognition shown in his eyes and Ben managed to smile.

"Welcome back, boy," he whispered, placing a hand on top of Adam's head.

Adam didn't say anything, his eyes searching his father's for something. The dark orbs frowned for a moment before widening. Adam opened his mouth, but no sound came out. Realizing that Adam's throat was probably dry, Ben hurried to the pitcher and glass on the other side of the room. Pouring some water, he hurried back to the younger man's side and tipped the glass to his lips.

"Easy now, son," Ben calmed him as Adam had started to gulp down the water.

Once Adam had, slowly, finished the glass, Ben placed it back where he had found it, then returned to the bed. Instead of finding Adam falling asleep, like he had hoped, he found him very much awake, his eyes fully opened and alert. Ben frowned, noticing that Adam kept looking around the room, as if he was searching for something that wasn't there.

"Adam? What is it?" Ben asked.

Adam's eyes darted to him, his face an uncharacteristic mix of fear and sorrow.

"J-Joe," came the hoarse reply.

Realization suddenly dawned on Ben and he gently gripped Adam's arm.

"Joe's just fine, Adam," he reassured him. "He's sleeping right now on the other side of that curtain."

This seemed to satisfy Adam and he visibly relaxed. At first, Ben thought he had fallen asleep, but when Adam opened his eyes moments later, he realized he was wrong. He watched his eldest son closely, not sure exactly what was going on in that head of his. What Joe had said earlier came back to him and he took a sharp intake of breath. Adam seemed to notice for he looked over in Ben's direction, a questioning look on his face. Ben sighed, figuring he might as well say what was on his mind.

"Son, we need to talk."

Adam just stared at Ben for a moment before nodding. Ben sat next to the bed, his eyes never leaving his oldest son's.

"I want to understand what happened to you and your brother, Adam," he began. "I'm hoping you're feeling a little bit stronger so you can tell me."

Adam continued looking at his father, the questioning look gone as he realized where the conversation was heading. Adamantly, Adam shook his head. No, he couldn't tell Ben what had happened to him and Joe out in that desert. Ben frowned at Adam's reluctance.

"Adam, please. I can't help you or Joe if I don't know exactly what happened to both of you," he pleaded.

Still, Adam shook his head, refusing to obey his father's wish. Sighing, Ben ran a hand over his face. He made a decision and looked back at Adam.

"Adam, I was in with your brother just a few minutes ago and he told me something that worries me," he said. "Adam, he told me you killed that man. He called him Kane."

Adam's eyes widened and he began sitting up hurriedly. Immediately Ben stood and pushed him back down gently.

"Easy, son," he soothed. "There's no need for you to get up."

Adam struggled briefly against his father before settling back down on the bed. Ben waited a few more minutes before speaking again.

"Now you know why I need to know what happened out in the desert, Adam," he stated. "I have to know the truth. I have to know what-what agitated you enough to cause you to kill that man."

Adam shook his head for what seemed like the hundredth time. Ben's face softened.

"All right, son," he gave in. "But as soon as you're ready, don't hesitate to talk to me."

Adam nodded, accepting that, if the time came, he could confide in his father the horrors of what he and Joe had to go through.

Hours later found Ben still with Adam, not necessarily for conversation but rather for companionship. Ben did most of the talking seeing as Adam was still having trouble putting full sentences together.

"Want . . . .see . . . . Joe."

Ben's eyes widened and he looked over at his oldest son in surprise. He didn't need the missing words to understand what Adam was asking.

"Adam, I don't know if-" Ben began, but Adam cut him off.

"P-Please, Pa."

Ben knew he couldn't deny Adam his right to see his brother so, instead of protesting, he stood and walked over to the curtain separating the siblings and pushed it away, moving to give Adam a better view of his little brother. Just Joe's shoulder was bandaged, but to Adam it was more than enough. He turned his head away and Ben took that as his cue to pull the curtain back in place. After doing so, he turned back to Adam.

"Adam, please, talk to me," he urged. "What happened to you and your brother? What did that man do to you?"

Adam's eyes were tightly closed and he didn't answer. Ben could only watch as his son relieved the scene in his mind, not sure what he could do to help him.

Ben stood there, his head lowered as he thought of all the possible scenes that could have played out in that desert.

"He was insane."

Ben jerked his head up to look at Adam, surprised he even spoke and how strong his voice sounded. Ben moved closer to the bed.

"Who, Adam?" he whispered, afraid that if he spoke any louder then Adam would stop talking.

Adam's gaze turned to his father, his eyes seemingly blank.

"Peter Kane."

The name was spat from Adam's lips and Ben straightened, his eyes wide at the venom he heard in his son's words. Adam turned his head away from Ben, although he continued talking. In slight detail, Adam described Peter Kane and everything that had occurred in the camp. Ben listened, his stomach churning at the abuse his sons had gone through. There was a long pause after Adam stopped talking and Ben sat heavily into a chair. His eyes were closed and he was fighting the emotions that wanted to come to the surface. He knew that if Adam hadn't killed Kane, then he would've.

"Pa?"

Adam's voice snapped Ben out of his thoughts and he looked down at the younger man. Adam was staring back at him, his normally masked emotions displayed clearly on his face as tears spilled onto the mattress beneath him. Ben gripped his hand and squeezed gently, reassuring him that he wasn't going anywhere, but he detected a question in Adam's eyes so he waited patiently.

"Pa, did I do the right thing?" Adam asked, his eyes pleading for confirmation.

Ben's heart constricted in his chest at Adam's question. He could see the hope in his eldest's eyes. Ben opened his mouth, then closed it again, not sure what type of answer he should give. Adam kept his gaze on his father, waiting and hoping that Ben would tell him it was okay. That it was okay to kill Kane to save himself and Joe. He felt another squeeze in his hand.

"You did, Adam," Ben finally replied, smiling, "and I'm very proud of you."

"P-Pa?"

Adam and Ben both looked towards the curtain and Ben pulled it back to reveal a conscious Joe. Adam looked away from his younger brother, not able to look him in the eye after what he had done. Though Ben's words had somewhat soothed his fears, the guilt still remained. Ben frowned at Adam's reaction and looked over at Joe who had a disappointed look on his face.

"A-Adam?"

Adam shivered slightly against the sheets, but made no inclination that he had heard Joe's voice. Ben watched as Joe slowly sat up and, realizing that both Adam and Joe needed this, he made no move to stop him. Joe sat on the edge of the bed for a moment or two before hesitantly standing.

"Adam," he tried again.

Realizing Joe's voice seemed closer than before, Adam looked over, his eyes widening. Joe swayed slightly and Ben grabbed a hold of his arm.

"Joe, lets get you back to bed," he said.

Joe shook his head.

"N-No," he protested. "N-Need . . . . t-talk . . . . . A-Adam."

Surprised at Joe's determination, Ben let go of his youngest son's arm and allowed him to continue forward, but kept a close eye on him. Adam watched worriedly as Joe approached the bed. With a heavy, yet relieved, sigh, Joe sat on the edge of Adam's bed.

Adam frowned, wondering what could be so important that Joe had to tell him.

"A-Adam," Joe began, "t-thank . . . .y-you. S-Saved . . . . Me."

Adam couldn't believe what he was hearing. After he had killed a man, here his younger brother was thanking him for saving his life. A thought struck him suddenly and he smiled as he reached out and grasped Joe's arm gently.

"Thanks, Joe."

Ben looked between his oldest and youngest, confusion registering on his face, but he said nothing. Joe nodded to Adam, a smile spreading across his lips. His eyes drooped, exhaustion taking hold as he pitched forward. Adam reacted instantly, holding Joe and gently lowering him to the sheets so he wouldn't further injure himself. Ben stepped forward immediately, calling for the doctor.

"What happened?" the doctor asked as he hurried inside. "Why is he out of bed?"

"He had something important to tell me," Adam replied for his father.

He didn't say anymore than that as the doctor and Ben carried Joe back to his own bed and laid him down gently. Ben stepped back and allowed the doctor to examine Joe. A few minutes later, Ben was surprised when the doctor pushed him behind the curtain and closed it, blocking Adam and Ben from seeing Joe. Ben looked over at Adam, who was starting to sit up. Ben hurried to his side.

"Adam, please, you have to stay in bed," he pleaded, holding his oldest son's arm.

Adam looked at Ben, his eyes seeming to see right through him.

"What's wrong with Joe?" he asked, his voice quiet.

Ben squeezed Adam's arm gently as he looked towards the curtain. He had no answer for Adam.

It was several long minutes before the doctor came from behind the curtain to find Ben and Adam waiting. Adam's face was slightly pale as he stared at the doctor, waiting for the news. Ben had helped him sit up slightly and he now was propped up with pillows. Tired shadows were under his eyes. Ben tore his gaze from his eldest to look at the doctor, worry wrinkles etched deeply into his forehead.

"Doctor?" he asked the unspoken question.

The doctor sighed and rubbed his head a little.

"He's weak," he stated. "He's also loosened the stitching in his shoulder. I don't particularly like the fever he's developing, but he's strong."

Adam breathed a sigh of relief and Ben mumbled a heartfelt, "Thank God."

The doctor looked between the two of them and smiled slightly.

"You know, in all this confusion, I haven't even told you my name," he realized.

Ben looked at him and chuckled a little.

"No," he agreed, "I don't believe you have."

Extending his hand, the doctor nodded and said, "Doctor Timothy Gram, Mr. Cartwright."

Ben shook the hand warmly.

"It's a pleasure, Doctor Gram."

Gram was about to reply when Adam's voice reached both men's ears.

"He should've stayed for the trial."

Ben turned to him in confusion.

"Adam?" he asked, worriedly. "Adam, what are you talking about?"

Adam looked into his father's face, his eyes almost void of any emotion as Gram quietly slipped out of the room, allowing them some privacy.

"The trial," he replied. "Joe was going to stay in town for a trial, but I talked him out of it. I figured we needed him more on the Ponderosa. I should've let him stay. Maybe, if I did, he never would've gotten hurt."

Ben took a deep breath. If it wasn't one thing, then it was another. He stood nearer to the bed.

"Adam, there was no way for you to know that Kane was going to be out there," he persisted. "You also had no way of knowing that Joe would be hurt. Son, if every man knows what's going to happen in the future, well, then, there wouldn't really be a life worth living."

Adam seemed to ponder that a moment and Ben held his breath, hoping his words had gotten through to him somehow. After another moment or two, Adam nodded in agreement and Ben let out the breath he had been holding. Adam looked up at him again, though.

"I should've looked out for him more," he whispered, his eyes having an almost frantic look as if he and Joe were back in that camp and, once again, fending for their lives.

Ben swallowed the bile in his throat as he remembered the first time he had seen the wounds on his two boys. Shaking away that memory, Ben turned his attention back to reassuring Adam.

"Son, you were hurt," he said. "There was nothing more you could've done to help your brother."

Adam's eyes darkened slightly as his next words pierced through Ben's heart like a spear.

"I could've killed Kane when I had the chance."

Ben stared out the window into the darkness. They had been there for almost three days. Joe and Adam were healing well, but their emotional state was a whole different story. Adam had become more subdued, only speaking when spoken to. Joe had tried everything to get through to his older brother, but to no avail. Joe hadn't stayed silent like Adam. Rather, he just needed Ben in the room with him at all times, at least when he was awake. Hoss was torn between which of his brothers needed him the most and was wearing himself out switching between the two.

Ben smiled as he heard the snoring coming from the other room. He looked over towards his youngest son's bed and the smile slowly disappeared. How could this have happened to his boys? What had possessed a man like Kane to harm another human being so cruelly? Ben looked back out the window and sighed.

"Pa?"

Hearing his name being called, Ben looked over at Joe and, upon finding him still asleep, headed through the curtain and to his eldest son's side. Adam was wide awake, sitting up in bed. He looked up as Ben entered and managed a small smile.

"I thought I heard you in there," Adam stated.

Ben nodded, noticing the strange look in the younger man's eyes.

"Was there something you needed to talk to me about, Son?" he asked, praying that the answer would be yes.

Adam shook his head.

"Not particularly, Pa," Adam replied, dashing Ben's hopes. "But . . . ."

Ben waited patiently, seeing the internal struggle on Adam's face.

"I wanted to kill him, Pa," Adam's soft voice drifted to Ben's ears. "I wanted to kill him for hurting me and Joe."

Ben moved closer to the bed and placed a hand on Adam's shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly.

"That's a natural reaction, Adam," he said. "Anyone else in that situation would've felt the same way."

Adam shook his head, firmly and was about to say something when Ben interrupted.

"He was threatening your younger brother, he hurt both of you, he planned on killing you," Ben stated and sighed, his voice becoming softer. "Adam, you had no choice."

Adam didn't say anything for a few minutes and Ben was afraid that he had caused a wall to go up until he heard a sigh.

"Adam?"

He looked up at his father, his eyes filled with unshed tears. Ben's heart broke at the look and he sat on the bed next to him, pulling Adam into a tight, yet gentle, embrace.

"It's all right, boy. It's all right."

Surprised at first at the unexpected contact, Adam stiffened, but relaxed slowly. His own arms slowly wrapped around his father as he leaned his head against Ben's shoulder, the tears finally falling freely down his cheeks. Ben held Adam gently, relishing in the feeling that he was able to. It was rare that he was able to hold Adam like this. Ben was just grateful that he was able to at all.

Eventually, Adam's tears subsided and he pulled away from his father, wiping his eyes and leaning back on the bed.

"Sorry, Pa," Adam apologized, softly.

The oldest Cartwright looked at Adam, a frown on his face.

"Adam, there's no reason for you to be sorry," he stated, firmly.

Adam was about to protest further when Doctor Gram walked in.

"Well, it seems that my patient is feeling much better," he said, a smile on his face.

Not sure if he was talking about Joe or Adam, Ben spoke up.

"Doctor?"

Realizing the confusion, Gram chuckled.

"Sorry, Mr. Cartwright. I meant Joe seems to be doing much better. His fever's still there, but it isn't rising and granted, he does have a long road to recovery, as does Adam here, but I do believe both of your boys will be just fine."

Adam breathed a sigh of relief upon hearing that Joe was going to be okay. Ben watched him carefully as he settled back before turning to the doctor again.

"How long before we can take them home, Doctor?" he asked.

He felt his boy's recoveries would come along faster if they were in a more familiar environment. The doctor thought it over for a while.

"Well, I'd like them to stay for at least another day or two," he suggested. "When I'm sure they're ready for travel, we can start making preparations to transport them."

Ben nodded in understanding and looked back at Adam before going through the curtain to check on Joe.

Joe was confused as he opened his eyes. He could remember bits and pieces, but nothing more than that. He blinked a few times, allowing his eyes to adjust to the darkness.

"Joseph?"

A small smile crossed his lips as he recognized the voice.

"H-Hey, Pa," he whispered in return.

"Welcome back, Son," Ben said, softly, putting a hand on top of the younger man's head and stroking the soft curls.

Joe closed his eyes briefly and opened them again, a sudden thought coming to him as the events of the last few days returned to his memory.

"Pa, I-is A-Ad-Adam . . . .?"

Knowing immediately what his youngest son was asking, Ben smiled and took Joe's hand in his own, squeezing gently.

"Adam's fine, Joe," he reassured him. "The doctor said Hoss and I can take you boys home in a few days."

Joe nodded, satisfied with that answer, his eyes closing unwillingly, exhaustion taking over his body. Ben watched in silence as Joe drifted off to sleep again and sent a silent prayer of thanks. He only hoped going home would help both Joe and Adam forget about their experience in the desert.

"N-No! Please . . . . .Joe!"

Adam jolted upright in bed, breathing heavily and wincing in pain as his side reminded him of his injuries. He held his side with his hand as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed. He and his family had been home for about two weeks now, the healing process taking a lot longer than everyone had hoped for. Adam and Joe's physical injuries were healing nicely, it was the emotions that the two brothers refused to acknowledge which was causing Ben to worry more and more each day. Hoss had tried everything he could to get his brothers back to their old selves, even going as far as going fishing with both of them at once, but nothing seemed to be working.

Adam sucked in a breath, trying hard to ignore the pain, but failing miserably as he slowly stood and made his way across his bedroom. He was just putting his shirt on when a knock sounded at his door and Ben's voice filtered through.

"Adam, are you all right, Son?" he asked, his voice worried.

Adam smiled at his father's concern.

"Yeah, Pa," he replied, reassuringly.

There was a slight pause.

"Are you sure?"

Adam sighed softly and smiled a little.

"I'm sure, Pa," he answered. "Just can't fall asleep is all."

Whether or not Ben detected the hesitancy in Adam's voice or not, the oldest Cartwright son couldn't tell. But he could feel his whole body relax as he heard Ben's footsteps move off down the hall, apparently, back to his own bedroom. Adam finished dressing slowly before exiting his bedroom and starting downstairs. He was glad that no one was in the living room when he reached the bottom.

"Adam, whatcha doing up this late?"

Adam whirled around in time, fully prepared to fight whoever it was. He visibly relaxed when he turned to see Hoss' surprised face. In his hands, he was holding a plate of cookies. Adam sighed and straightened, running a trembling hand over his face.

"Sorry, Hoss, I . . . " Adam didn't finish his sentence.

Instead, he headed for the front door, fully intending to go for a ride. He could hear Hoss' footsteps behind him and stopped, sighing.

"Is there something you want to say?" he asked, his voice coming out like he was accusing his brother of a crime.

Hoss frowned, unsure of how to answer. It was like his older brother was a whole new person since the desert, a total stranger at some points.

"No, no I guess I don't," he finally answered. "Just, be careful, Adam."

No response came as Adam headed out the door, almost slamming it shut behind him, causing Hoss to wince.

"Was that Adam?"

Hoss turned to the stairs, not at all surprised to see Ben standing at the bottom of them.

"H-How much of that did you hear, Pa?" Hoss asked, knowing full well his father heard everything.

Ben gave a small, sad smile before placing a hand on Hoss' shoulder.

"Give him time, Hoss," he advised. "He'll come around eventually."

Hoss sighed and nodded. He looked to the top of the stairs, thoughtfully.

"How's Joe?" he asked, softly.

Ben sat in the blue armchair and ran a hand over his face.

"He's as ill-tempered as that older brother of yours, but he doesn't seem to be lashing out as much as he is," he replied. "Joe's shoulder may be healed, but I'm afraid the horrors of what that man did will never leave his memory."

Hoss turned sad eyes to his father.

"Pa, what are we gonna do? We have to do something. They can't keep going like this!"

"I know, Son, but what else can we do?" Ben asked, his voice sounding defeated. "Adam has all but left the Ponderosa. Every time he goes for one of his rides, I half-expect him to not come back."

Hoss' brow furrowed.

"Pa . . . ." he started, but Ben held up a hand, causing him to stop.

"I know, I know," he stated. "And I thank God for every time I wake up in the morning and he's asleep in his room or waiting downstairs for breakfast. I just don't know how much longer he can last."

Hoss nodded in understanding, the frown still on his face.

"I've noticed something else, too, Hoss," his father added. "Do you realize that your brothers haven't spoken to each other since we returned home a couple of weeks ago?"

His middle son remained silent a moment.

"They talk to each other, Pa," he said, trying to word his answer carefully. "Maybe you're just imagining things."

Ben shook his head, adamantly.

"Of course they say hello to each other every morning at breakfast, but they never have any of their usual conversations, even to argue or tease just a bit."

Hoss sighed and looked at the floor.

"Like you said, Pa," he agreed, half-heartedly. "We just have to wait."


End file.
